It wasn’t the first day. It wasn’t during any of the monumental milestones. It wasn’t even during the difficult middle-of-the-night calls for help. It was an ordinary moment. A moment that has since become second nature and routine; one I am sure I’ll repeat a thousand more times. At least.
One evening as I was drawing Camille a bath and I realized, I can get away without giving her one. I’m tired. She is well fed. She took a bath that morning. She is sleepy. More importantly her mom isn’t home to push me to do it. Why don’t I just put her pajamas on and off to sleep she will go. Both of us will be happy to expedite the entire process.
That’s when the feeling hit me. Right there, in the middle of the corridor between the bathroom and her bedroom, I knew. To grab for a word that has slightly lost its punch, I had an epiphany. The feeling that this little soul mattered more than I can describe. I undeniably knew that I’d become annoyed, frustrated, exhausted and angry with this little one over the course of her life, but that these feelings would always be put into their proper perspective because she’s my little girl. Mine.
This week she turns two. Friday can take its time getting here.
The fork in the road that you have described is one that we have faced many times. The choices made were not always the right ones but they were the ones we thought were the best at the time. Looking back we didn't do so bad. Enjoy your own experience so when you look back you may have no regrets. Parenting is a gift from God and a way to learn a lot about ourselves as well as the ones trusted to us.
ReplyDeletemade me cry, i'd say you're off to a good start. :)
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